Diary Entry #9 Untitled

I didn’t know what to title this entry because I thought I would just write and see where it takes me. I haven’t felt like writing much recently as I haven’t be 100% and I have felt super unmotivated, fatigued and tired. The hubster has now been furloughed but is still doing training for his job so we are down some money each month. It could be worse, it could be better. We will apply for the mortgage break. So many people are in similar situations. It is tricky at the moment because I am a stay at home mum with 1 year old twins which means he is the only monetary provider. I have applied for a couple of jobs at supermarkets, got turned down by one and haven’t heard from the other, then I had to properly self isolate due to being ill and now I am out of that, what do I do next? How do I proceed with life? I worry that the babies aren’t getting enough stimulation now and although I didn’t do loads of baby classes, I went out every day, I took them to the library, to the odd baby class here and there, to see the ducks, to see the animals at our local garden centre, I took them into town, took them shopping. Had visitors round. Went to see people but now I have to rethink things because I worry so much that this lack of stimulation will effect them developmentally. I try so hard to make things interesting, I am glad the sun is shining. I feel like I am leaning towards the negative again at the moment and worrying lots and I think it is because I have just heard that the prime minister is in intensive care. The leader of our country, the one we are counting on. I know there are many people behind him but it was a shock I have to say. I am going to follow that news with something completely inappropriate and benial because I want to end on something postive. I made brownies this evening which means I have more energy which means I am feeling better. So this entry was my thoughts in this moment put on a virtual page. Done.

Diary Entry #7 Symptoms

I woke up yesterday feeling rough. A full on cold and today I have a cough. My immediate thought was ‘Corona Virus’. I was suprised as I haven’t really been in contact with anyone besides my hubster and babies that I live with since the Wednesday before last. It is strange because before this Corona Virus I would have thought, oh another cold but now I am over analysing all my symptoms but I need to stop because I have no way of really knowing but I am taking my responsibilities seriously and we are all staying in, not even a little walk anymore because I do not want to take the risk of infecting anyone. The sooner this is over the better! Right now I should be tidying, cleaning or doing jobs whilst the babies are napping but instead I have popped on the TV and I am enjoying a mug cake because sometimes you just need a treat! It is delish x

Diary Entry #4 Corona Virus

It is difficult to write a journal without doing an entry on this subject. My mind and my thoughts are consumed with corona virus worries. It feels so real but then so much like a movie at the same time. The very real stark realities of my husband potentially losing his job in the not so distant future, the realities of deaths around the world and the overwhelming responsibility I feel for my family as well as those key workers who are working themselves to the bone to try and keep up with their roles to help everyone else. But then it feels so surreal, is this really happening? And the fact that it is so wide spread and the panic is not just a couple of eccentrics that have bunkers at the bottom of their gardens, it is nearly everyone as they face the reality check that there is no food on the shelves. Walking down the aisles of Morrisons a couple of days ago, it felt like a post apocalyptic scene but no, it is just ours and so many others reality, not a movie, our reality. It is hard not to be eaten up by the news of the knock on effect of this virus, the amount of people and businesses effected in so many ways. It makes my head hurt. I want to stay informed so I will continue to watch the death stats go up and the shocking bullet ins but what I will do is cling to the fact that this reality won’t be forever. I hope.